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By Gardiner Harris. NEW DELHI — For thousands of years, fathers in India have arranged the marriages of their children, and Garima Pant — like an estimated 95 percent of her millennial peers — was intent on following this most Indian of traditions. Her father found a well-educated man in her caste from a marriage website that features profiles of potential mates and presented his choice to her.
And that was when her rebellion began. Pant, a year-old special education teacher, after seeing a picture of a man with streaks of color in his hair. So her father picked another profile. When a profile of a man who intrigued her finally appeared, Ms. Her boldness made the match. By the time the fathers discovered that their families were of the same gotra, or subcaste, generally making marriage taboo, their children had texted and emailed enough that they were hooked.
In a society where marriage is still largely a compact between families, most parents are still in charge of the search for a mate, including by scouring marriage websites for acceptable candidates. Pant and his family. Members of the bridal party watched dancing onstage.
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Indian Matchmaking is a Indian documentary television series produced by Smriti Mundhra. Indian Matchmaking was released on July 16, , on Netflix. Mundhra named the casting the biggest hurdle of the show, going through a client list of families and calling to see if they were willing to be on camera. Mundhra also noted that the series initially started with about a dozen singles but with some that “fell off” during production.
The show received mixed reviews between critics and social media users. In addition to showing ” classist ” and ” casteist ” stereotypes, the show was criticized for whitewashing the idea of arranged marriages.
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On Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking,” marriage consultant Sima Taparia travels the world to meet with hopeful clients and help them find the perfect match for an arranged marriage. The format of the show is simple. Hopeful brides- and grooms-to-be meet with Taparia — often with their overbearing parents in tow — for an initial consultation. Criteria are laid out, potential suitors are presented on paper, dates are arranged, and then it’s up to the couple to decide if it’s a match.
In some respects, the producers should be commended. This is a show that turns away from the “big fat Indian wedding” trope and offers something fresh: a look at how some traditional-facing couples meet through the services of a professional matchmaker. The characters’ stories — as well as cringier moments — play out in entertaining ways, at times revealing the absurdities and awkwardness of matchmaking. I laughed when, for example, Taparia sought the consultation of an astrologist and a face reader.
Matchmaker Sima Taparia meets with hopeful clients. Credit: Netflix. At other points, the show presents brutal truths about Indian culture: the emphasis on being “fair”; the enormous pressure to wed; the focus on caste and class; the stigmatization of independent, working women.
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These are the Indian version of online dating sites like but with the is one of India’s three most popular marriage sites.
It has been a few months into trying out the prospect of arranged marriage. The decision came with the desire to find a decent, understanding companion I could share my life with. At the outset, let me tell you the process of finding a suitable match in this structure requires a considerable investment of time and energy. So after much deliberation, I finally decided to take the plunge.
As an independent, working woman of today, why did I choose to do this? Not because of a lack of faith in the ability to fall in love organically but an inkling that perhaps sometimes love is not just enough. The structure of arranged marriage, on the contrary, was allowing me to pick and choose the man who suited my criteria — including emotional intelligence — and help me eliminate apparent risks in a relationship like any toxicity that sometimes go unnoticed, ignored or encountered later in an otherwise organic romantic bond.
This, of course, does not go to suggest that an arranged marriage would turn out to be risk-free, but an early red flag gives you the chance to opt out of the match without any baggage. Perhaps the fact that we see progressive and successful men and women of today as shown in the series still going ahead with the set-up challenges the argument in a way. And we millennials are familiar with such people or are trying out the option ourselves, whether we want to admit it or not.
Again, if someone is opting for an arranged marriage, it is not always because they were forced by their parents. On matrimonial websites, many men and women handle their own profiles and are able to exercise agency in choosing the right match. But that is of course not an easy task.
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About one out of every eight Internet users in India is signed up on one of the country’s so-called “matrimonial websites. Nash Jenkins. Jenkins is an American man living in India who discussed the trend for The Atlantic after signing up briefly with matrimonial site Shaadi. A commercial for Bharat Matrimony’s personalized service touts marriages that are not arranged but “assisted! Jenkins seems quick to paint the websites as little more than arranged marriages -lite, based in part on one personal encounter with a woman whose profile was written by her parents.
But the fact that these matrimonial sites are so popular points to the fact that more young Indians aren’t being set up for marriages by others — most of the users, says Jenkins, are urban, middle-class young Indians. And while the sites are geared toward the marriage-minded, they’re not all that different from American dating websites , especially the more relationship-oriented ones. Users message each other first. They meet for a date. There’s nothing saying they have to immediately decide to marry or do so in any time frame.
By Elizabeth Nolan Brown. Imagine eHarmony if it cut to the chase. Unlike online dating services, which at least superficially foster some sort of romantic connection, and which are effectively nonexistent in India, matrimonial websites are predicated on the idea that the first meeting between two paired users will be to chat about their wedding.